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Not worthwhile: No to Nursing as a career.
I may have just barely managed to complete my 3 weeks of Stage 1's Vocational Placement back within the aged care sector for my Diploma of Nursing through TAFE Queensland, Yet I wish I never had even bothered in the first place! After attending a self requested meeting with the Nursing heads of department to discuss my absolutely appalling experiences through stage 1's content delivery on campus as well as the additional experiences I had to endure on placement? I have swiftly made the heartbreakingly sad yet very very necessary decision to simply drop the dream of becoming an enrolled nurse and pick a career path that I really will be able to manage and most importantly? actually enjoy. My mental health just could not take much more and I knew for a fact that if I had simply attempted to endure any further? I would have very likely ended up overtired, overworked, overloaded and over life. I already was suicidal as it was. The group of students I tried to connect with socially
3 Weeks of Vocational Placement - Nursing Update.
It has been a while since I provided an update on my study journey through the Diploma of Nursing..... I have finally felt well enough to document details. -_- Turns out? Those ''friendly'' acquaintances whom I figured were finally my kinds of folks to associate myself with?.... Ended up to simply be horrible people once more. They proceeded to made fun of my instance of suicidal thoughts/near miss suicide attempt earlier that morning at the train station and then had the nerve to tell me to "Just quit." Stating that "We are all struggling and stressed out. What makes you so different? Everyone has a choice. Hurry up and take it so we don't have to hear about it." etc. For context? I was talking to someone else completely whom had been suffering from the exact same feelings and we were trying to help each other. >.
Heading Back To Study Again -Diploma of Nursing.
It has been just over a month since I had made the difficult yet ultimately wise decision of departing from my AIN role within the aged care sector. My shoulder is feeling much more stable and the amount of pain I have been feeling has gone down close to being almost non existent once more. Whilst I have indeed made positive strides in physical recovery? My emotional/mental states have proceeded to regress into a seriously dangerous state of deepening depression. My sleep cycles have been swiftly swung back out of stability. (Due to me attempting to avoid feeling such empty emotions simply via sleeping all day and staying up all night etc.) My states of mood have been from one extreme to the other. (Due to once again failing to finally obtain stable, meaningful employment, on top of also being under the influence via trialling birth control medication in an attempt to lessen the emotional outbursts during the cursed time of the month.) I just feel so tired, annoyed, intolerant
Firmly set Hiatus due to Mental heath spiral.
I plan to admit myself to a mental health ward at my local hospital as I honestly can not see myself coping any further with the fact that I am a failure. Today marks one month from me making the decision to resign from my job. I have been single for 3 years. I have no in real life friends. My family have all but given up on me and have stated that they can not help me anymore. ..... I care not what happens to Perdi. My parents can go ahead and get rid of her. I care not for any of my hobbies. None of them bring me any joy any longer. Nothing matters to me anymore. This is my last chance at numbing all my emotional diarrhoea for good. If this fails? My only option is to leave this world on my own terms somehow. DeviantArt was once a place that made everything still be alright despite all of my in real life hardships and struggles. But now? Those who I have shared such strong connections with for well over a decade? Seem to all but be absent. They are my only friends I have. Now
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